Rejection

Rejection is a big topic for actors. You may feel rejected each time you audition for a role and do not get the part. You may take this personally, and call this “rejection”. After all, one definition of the word rejection is “discard as useless or unsatisfactory”, and the more actors audition and do not get cast, some feel more and more discouraged and depressed, as if they are being judged and found wanting, discarded and useless. Has this happened to you?

You may be surprised when I say that you were not rejected at all.

Let me explain: true rejection is when someone trusts someone else and opens his/her heart to that someone, and then that someone rejects them. Tells them they do not love them anymore. It is awful. It is personal. It is devaluing. It hurts and can be devastating. THAT is rejection.

Now, I think it would be fair to say that nothing like that actually happened to you in the audition room. The people who are holding the auditions are there all day themselves, and they most likely want you, and every actor, to be the right one!  They usually do not know you at all. You have merely spent a very short amount of time showing them a very brief presentation of your talent. They may have liked you, and also quite a few others who auditioned, as it would be likely that many of those who auditioned were talented. They have many people to choose from, and they have to choose one person to cast for each role.

As my partner Robert Curtiss and I like to say, imagine that you are making an egg for breakfast and you have to choose one from the egg carton in the fridge. Perhaps you choose one because it's slightly larger, or a different color. Whatever the reason, there are eleven eggs left. Now, did you choose one egg, or did you reject eleven? Chances are that all the other eggs will be chosen to be eaten at some point, but not for this breakfast.

Now to address what I think is behind the fear of rejection: the possibility does exist that, after many auditions over a long period of time and no callbacks, perhaps you need to improve your auditioning techniques, or perhaps you are not marketing yourself correctly, or maybe you see yourself as a "type" that is not what others are seeing. These are lessons that need to be learned so that you can make adjustments in what you audition for and/or how you audition. Think of all your auditions as full out performances – you just aren’t getting paid … yet!

The next and last possibility is a hard lesson, and one that some people have to face: perhaps you are not as talented as you may have believed. I believe that it is probably a rare experience, in that most people who are pursuing this business need some positive feedback, and without it would probably have given up long before they had to figure it out the hard way. So, although this possibility does exist, the probability is that you simply were not chosen for these jobs. You need to keep your perspective about it.

It is as simple as viewing a glass half empty or a glass half full. Remember that the next time you start to feel that you were rejected.  It really is in how you look at it!
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How Do I Get "Discovered"?

How do I get “discovered”?  Ah, that is the 10-million-dollar question!  I assure you, you will find the secret to being discovered right next to the answer to "How I lost 100lbs in two weeks!"  Of course, if you clicked on this article in hopes of actually finding the answer to immediate stardom, you may want to take a good look at yourself and why you are still trying to reach for this unattainable fantasy.   Nothing in life comes that easy; sometimes (but rarely) there are exceptions to this rule (or ANY rule, for that matter), but an exception should never be confused for the general rule, or even considered a realistic possibility.

You may have heard the legend of how the Hollywood star Lana Turner was discovered by Zeppo Marx while she was drinking a Coke at Schwab's Pharmacy in L.A.  Zeppo signed her to his agency and soon she began working. 


That was a long time ago. Does that kind of thing still happen?  Rarely  to never.  It is a FANTASY, like winning the lottery. Waiting for that to happen to you is a waste of your time. If you pursue this business as a smoke-and-mirrors FANTASY - i.e. "I'm beautiful and talented so things will automatically happen for me" - then you are in for a big disappointment and many years of wasted energy.  Show me any successful career and I will show you a lot of blood, sweat and tears that helped get them there. 

Having said that, there are many things you can do to HELP yourself be seen along the way.  You need to be available for discovery.  A buried treasure is hard to discover unless you know to look in the general vicinity it is located.  Making yourself available by going to plays, movies, industry parties, and taking classes will allow you to be seen by others who may be helpful to you on your way to a successful career.  

Most important, be prepared.  This business requires a passion for all aspects of it from the auditioning to the performance and everything in between.  It is your responsibility to hone your craft and be a good performer, to prepare yourself to be a professional at the business of show business. This also means you should increase your knowledge and life experience:  read, watch, and engage in the world around you.  Being an actor is an integral part of your life as a whole. The REALITY of the business of being an actor includes all aspects of your life: relationships (or lack thereof), health, finances, family, you name it. It is your responsibility to stay on top of all of those parts of your life and make sure you stay healthy and on track.

You may notice I try to use the word "business" instead of "career". The word career conjures up a steady arc of achievement that develops over time. So just starting out, a young actor cannot accurately describe his or her business as a "career", because it has not developed yet. The word "business" really captures what you need to focus on: all of the work you must do each day to keep your business going, and what it takes to "sell" yourself and get work.  You are responsible for your own business.

If you pursue your acting career with great gusto, enjoyment and determination, chances are you will find work as an actor. Break a leg!
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How Much Are You Worth?

Wow, what an uncomfortable question! It can sound crass, and make people feel ill-at-ease, as if they might sound conceited if say that they are worth more than other people. Yet it is important to ask it of ourselves, to assess our own self-worth as well as to understand how others may assess us.

An actor friend of mine had no representation and had to negotiate his own contracts when he got cast in shows. He was so happy to be cast and so eager to please that he frequently would accept low pay and sometimes uncomfortable living arrangements offered by some theaters. Still, he used to privately complain that although he was working as an actor, he was not making enough money doing it, and he hated having to share living quarters.

He gradually learned that he could ask them if they could arrange for a private room, and if they could pay him a higher salary, based on his rapidly expanding experience. Sometimes he would hear "No," but then he could

decide whether he wanted to work at that theater under those particular conditions. Sometimes he would hear "Yes," and his sense of self-worth would grow. When we stand up for ourselves, we are affirming our worth, both to ourselves and to others.

Another friend of mine went on a job interview, and was embarrassed when she was asked how much she thought she should get paid. She simply told the interviewer what her salary was at her last job, and she got hired at the new job…at the SAME salary as she had before! Ironically, the reason she was interviewing for a new job was that she was unhappy at her old job and felt they didn't treat her well enough!

If she had said she was worth more than that and if she had told the interviewer that her experience made her more valuable at the new job, perhaps she would have received a higher salary. Perhaps, the interviewer would have said that he could not afford to pay such a high salary, but at least the option to get more money would have been explored, and negotiations could have begun. Instead, my friend ended up short-changing herself, all because she had low self-esteem and was too embarrassed to claim she was worth more than her last job paid her.

What is your value? Do you settle for what others are willing to give you? It is worth asking yourself. Do you accurately assess the skills and experience you may bring to a job? Learn to value yourself, and stand up for yourself if you have been short-changed when getting paid. Ask for what you think you are worth.

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